


Putting Up A Fight

by madamelucifieur



Series: spnfemslashbingo [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/F, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-04
Updated: 2015-10-04
Packaged: 2018-04-24 19:08:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4931776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madamelucifieur/pseuds/madamelucifieur
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Both Claire and Alex are dealing with the aftermath of their experiences. Alex is close to giving up.</p><p>Posted for the spnfemslashbingo challenge.<br/>Square: "I'm done"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Putting Up A Fight

_„Well if you think that it’s so insufferable here, why don’t you just run away again?”_

 

Alex wasn’t sure what was pounding harder in her head: the headache, her anger or Jody’s voice. She knew that Jody hadn’t meant it like that; she knew that Jody regretted saying it as soon as the words had left her mouth; she knew that she had simply pushed the Sheriff too far. But that didn’t keep her from shoving clothes into a bag as if the house was about to collapse.

What were they even fighting about? No idea. But lately, every single thing Jody did set off a new wave of rage. Even the nice things. Whenever she gave Alex a hug and a kiss on the head, the teenage girl just clenched her teeth and let the kindness wash over her. At night, she wondered what was wrong with her. She felt broken and guilty for not appreciating Jody’s help the way the woman deserved. Above all, Alex felt strangely alone. No amount comforting words or loose friends at school could make up for that. Because they didn’t know what Alex had gone through.

What she was still going through.

It was better since Claire was there. Oftentimes she functioned as the direly needed buffer between Jody and Alex. Oddly, with her under the roof, the house felt less stuffed.

Alex’ hands slowed down and finally stopped stuffing the grey sweater into the back pack. She straightened her body and took a deep breath. Rage was still boiling in her stomach, but it was not as bad as before. A feeling of numbness spread in its stead and made Alex feel light-headed.

 

_“No, wait. I didn’t mean it, you know I didn’t mea-“, Jody tried to fix her mistake, reaching out to touch her arm._

_Claire was the only one still sitting at the dinner table, fork and knife in both hands._

_“I don’t care!” Alex pulled away, ran into her room, slammed the door. Silence._

_“Alex-“_

_“Leave me alone!”_

The loudest noises in the room were Alex’ short breaths and the soft buzzing of the radiator. She listened to what was happening outside, but all he heard was a distant clinging of plates that were being put away. For a moment she was wondering if it was Jody or Claire who was cleaning up.

She looked at the mess on her bed. The rest of her room was fairly tidy, since Alex preferred to spend time outside. Jody made sure that her girls had everything they needed (within reason), so things like a decent laptop, some pictures on the wall and overall nice décor made the space homier and more _hers_. Yet still everything felt so far away all of the sudden. Like a deflating balloon, her motivation for packing things and leaving for good just…

Seconds went by. Then, an impulse made her turn to her left and take a few steps. Later she could only barely remember how she walked through the house to the front door to go outside. She didn’t see Jody on her way out; that she remembered. But her destination was not the central station of Sioux Falls, it was the steps of the front porch.

It was October and the night smelled of leaves that were starting to rot. A comforting smell, even though the rapidly falling temperatures made Alex wish she’d taken a jacket with her. At least it wasn’t raining. But with the darkness this complete, it was possible that it would start any minute.

A screeching behind her told Alex that someone was opening the door. She was half-expecting to see Jody and bracing herself for a heart-felt make-up conversation, but it was Claire. Simply standing there in her leather jacket and the soft yellow light of the hall.

“You okay?” she asked with awkward hesitation in her voice. She was holding the door knob, unsure if Alex would send her away.

And she did consider it, for a couple of silent moments. “I guess.”

“Want some company?”

“Sure.”

Alex turned around again, facing the street, the fields, the forest that was miles away and the quiet landscape. Jody’s house was located a few minutes away from town. There were other families’ properties not too far away, so it wasn’t really lonely here. Only at night it sometimes felt as if this house with its garden were an entire world and there was nothing else. Those were the nights when Alex called her friends for a little fun. Meaning sneaking out at 2am on a school night and getting drunk near the waterfalls.

The blonde girl sat down next to her. Claire let the seconds pass by. Silence with her was never awkward, but Alex felt that this time, the other one was not here just to enjoy the quiet night.

“You know she-“

“-didn’t mean it? Yeah. I know.”

The fresh breeze sharpened and drove through some of the bushes near the porch. Alex could feel the goosebumps on her arms appear despite her cardigan.  In an attempt to warm herself (and avoid having to go inside and get her jacket) she rubbed the rough fabric over her skin. She could also feel Claire’s gaze on her, for which she was both grateful and slightly annoyed.

They were close, Jody’s girls. Closer maybe than the sheriff knew. She sensed that Claire and Alex had a mutual understanding, in a way that nobody else could have with them. Both were angry teenage girls who went through traumatic experiences at a young age. Both had lost their parents. Both had problems committing themselves to things nowadays. Except to each other, that had been surprisingly easy.

Claire took off her jacket; she almost hit Alex when she was pulling her arms out of the sleeves. She meant well, but Alex shook her head before Claire could lay the jacket over her shoulders. The girl hesitated again, then just put the thing on her lap.

Alex closed her eyes. She knew she should at least look Claire in the eye, show a little appreciation for her kindness. Because she was appreciating it. But it was just too much right now. Dealing with her own turmoil of emotions and with having to respond properly to social interaction.

“Look”, she heard Claire say.

When Alex opened her eyes again to look at her friend, the younger girl’s gaze was fixed on something in the sky. The wind had pushed the clouds apart; the hole between them revealed an almost full moon. And stars. So many stars, all of them layered in the universe. Far away. And everywhere around.

“Wanna go together?” Claire didn’t even look at her as she was saying that. Her neck stretched out, she was admiring the glimpse of space.

“Where to?”

“Dunno.” The smile Claire gave her made Alex’ heart flutter a tiny bit. “I saw the bag on your bed. If you wanna leave, I can come with you.”

“Shut up. You just got here.”

“So?”

Alex’ lips parted slightly, eyes locked with Claire. She tried to come up with reasons why they couldn’t possibly run away together. Jody, safety, school. _Nothing matters_. The way Claire looked at her was the only comfort she needed.

 _I’ve never been this cold_ , Alex realized, heart pounding harder than her headache. _I’ve never been this much in love._

A resigned little laugh left her mouth as she shook her head a little to break the eye contact. She grabbed the leather jacket and put it around her shoulders.

Leaving. Just leaving. With Claire.

Tempting.

But too easy.

“No”, she heard herself murmur. “ _I’m done_. I’m done leashing out on Jody. I’m done running. I’m done feeling this way.”

Claire scooted closer to hug her. Alex let her head rest on Claire’s shoulder.

“You’re safe. You’ll be okay”, Claire whispered.

“With you here, definitely.”

Alex sensed the smile before she saw it. Her sadness was gone and she lifted her head a bit to lightly touch Claire’s cheek with the tip of her nose.

“So we’re staying?”

Alex nodded, her nose brushing softly against Claire skin. “We’re staying.”


End file.
